How To Stay Confident

Hello everyone! Today I have another private story to share with you all- how do I stay confident.

I am a very petite person (this is also why I run a blog called somePETITEmatters) and I have small boobs as well. I would say that there are a few stages for me to get along with my small boobs... I was a double A, yes, a AA cup (AAA in US sizing) girl. I was so insecure about my body, especially my boobs- will my (future) husband find them too small and unattractive? How can I wear bikini? How can I go with non-wired and non-padded bras? "I just can't." This was the answer when I was younger. 

After a few years, getting more information about self-acceptance. I said to myself, "it's okay. I look good." There is no problem on accepting one self. I started to go without paddings or wire in almost everything. I forced myself not to care about what the others say. 

But I feel a bit empty- why? I then noticed that indeed I was still uncomfortable with my small boobs. I just forced myself to act like I didn't care. So I stopped "acting cool" to see what I can do to be confident, for real.

I was severely unweight. I found it scary for not having thigh gap or something like that. So I ate a little food (and this was also why my boobs were tiny) (I also posted about my self-acceptance story on weight gaining here. This is not the most popular post but this is probably one of my favourite posts I have even written). 

I asked myself- "Why is it scary to gain weight when I am so skinny? Why is it scary to become healthy?" I couldn't argue so I started to do exercise; I ate more, especially healthy food; I regulated my sleeping schedule; I massaged my boobs; I purchased and wore well-fitted bras. And it is like magic- when I do not only focus on my boobs anymore, they grow (although they are still in quite a small size). I have gained some weight and I don't get sick too often anymore. What is more important is that I love how I look and how I live now more.

Now when I want to be sexy, I would wear padded bras with no shame; when I want to be mobile, I would definitely go with non-padded and non-wired tops with no shame; I feel good to know and understand what I need and then I go for it. I feel hot!

I do not mean that self-acceptance is not good. But if you need to force yourself to do so without feeling comfortable, then I would definitely recommend you to try and find ways and methods to make yourself feel empowered and healthy, for both mentally and physically. You do you. Love yourself. 

From 2013 to 2017, from BMI 13 to 17

Hello! I am sorry I don't have a photo for today's post because I couldn't find one that I really want to post and to me, it is quite a personal blog post- yes, today, I am going to talk about my weight gaining.

When I first entered university, according to the BMI calculation, my BMI was around 13.6, which is underweight, super underweight. I didn't find that was a problem as being skinny was a "trend" and people around me would say something like, "You have pretty legs!" or "I love your waist!" These made me have a thought that "yeah, maybe I should keep my body like this thin." And I ate so little so I thought I wouldn't grow fat on my thighs or stomach.

I could not find photos that can really show how boney I was because I found that I used to cover my body so much so people would not notice how skinny I was. I didn't notice that until my body and health started to alarm me.

I became so inferior because I am so flat- I put inserts in my underwear, I wore layers of clothes, I covered myself.

My health became worse and worse- I was so easy to be sick, and I took a long while to recover; people found me always wearing a mask because I was too weak.

I then started my weight gaining so as to reach my beauty desire. But then I found that it was so hard to gain weight because I was told that my digestive system was too active and my body just could not get the nutrition from food like what other people can do so if I wanted to gain weight, I needed to improve my body health as a whole.

I then regulate my rest, my meals, my basic exercise and finally my health gets better and better and I slowly gain weight. My BMI is now around 17. Although it is still underweight, I feel much better and stronger than before.

I did have some struggle- I used not to have some fat around my stomach area; my thigh gap was larger, my face was real small. However, I do love myself more. Not because I am "prettier" as there are tons of different kinds of beauty standards/ values/ point of view and I am still flat and petite indeed. Instead, my health is now improved and this allows me to explore more. I would not be trapped by my weak body or bad health anymore.

For all the girls and readers, I write this post does not because I think that a petite girl should gain weight. I don't even know why I would like o post this (I have kept this post in my drawer for a while) but I just want you to remember, You Do You. You are always pretty and beautiful. You may feel insecure or uncomfortable at your body figure or appearance but it is not the most important thing. Staying healthy matters the most.